It has been five months of living in uncertainty. Recently, I realised this phase isn’t ending anytime soon—and that realisation hit hard. At first, it hurt. Then it numbed me.
The past few weeks have felt strangely emotionless. I wake up tired, even after dreaming all night. I feel restless throughout the day, yet I don’t have the energy to do anything. The things I used to enjoy feel distant, almost irrelevant. And when I don’t feel productive, I beat myself up for it. It’s exhausting in a quiet, invisible way.
I know this weariness comes from constantly worrying about when I’ll finally be out of this phase—about things that are completely outside my control.
Recently, I started reading Focus on What Matters to You by Darius Foroux, a book rooted in Stoic principles. One line stayed with me: “When you’re stuck, always return to the pursuit of knowledge.” So that’s what I’ve decided to do. I read whatever interests me, fiction or non-fiction, without pressure or expectations.
I also took on a part-time job as a salesperson—not just for the work, but to meet people, to be around energy, to feel connected and inspired again.
For now, my definition of progress is simple. If I do one productive thing in a day—reading a few pages, or having a meaningful interaction—then there is still movement. Slow movement, yes, but movement nonetheless.
And if one day I look back at this phase, I want to know that even while I was stuck, I was still choosing to show up in small ways instead of disappearing entirely.